you ever, like, dig youself so deep into a hole and commit to something so fuckin hard that when you want to turn around and run away from it like a little bitch you CANT because your condemned to it like its some sorta execution??

your shackkles arent locked, your the execuutioner to your own death sentence, and neither party wants it, but like, you cant seem to give enough of a shit to not just go along with what you told yourself you deserved(cough)(sheep)cause its easy and its all you know

now imagine your 15 and all you can feel is hatred toward the world, and every day is the same and the snow just doesnt ever seem to melt, and your day of executioning is slowly aproaching and your trying and trying to change something and fucking prevent the end of the goddamn world because just going along with things isnt punkrock and you can escape anytime but the snow just wont fuvking melt,

but then something does change, and its like your in the eye of the hurrcane and you can hear everything going to shit around you but its fine because you have the clarity now to go to a tornado bunker or something

and you do, and the clarity clears your ass vision and you realize that everyone else was already in that bunker, and noone gave a shit to tell you or pull you out of the stormm and now you feel justified in your hatred toward the whole goddamn world

and the snows startin to melt once you get outta that bunker, the grass is dead as hell and your not, and your not the same person and the day of your execution was yesterday and your fine

hotake; terezi and rainbowdash were only put in seperate canons bcuz god knew if they could meet theyd take over the multiverse ive always been a mlp-racism h8tr cuz its stupid BUT LIKE in this case it works; unicorns being highbloods(feferi gets 2 be the exception shes an alicorn cause shes awesome like that)(also isnt unicorn just so goddamn fitting for eridan) pegasi bein midbloods(doesnt fit AS WELL but it fits worse anywhere else) and ofc lowbloods as earthponies bcus they seriously got fucked over with the whole magic system omg(im still pondering on how karkats mutation would come into play here but just go with it)

ANYWAYS!! twilight is a purple blood(her shade gets brighter when she earns her wings) a prospit dreamer no doubt, and a seer of space!!

rarity is a blue blood thats lower on the highblood spectrum, def dreams on prospit, and a sylph of lighttttt!!!

rainbow dash is a teal mid-blood, ive seen some people label her a prospit dreamer but ive always seen derse in her, and thief of breath:p

my girl fluttershy is def an olive blood, surprisingly a derse dreamer, and a page of hopeee:3

applejackkkkk easily a rust blood, hangs around on prospit w rarity ofc, and a knight of life!!

pinkie pie......either a mutant with candy red blood, or somehow a fuchsia and nobody knows how but goes along with it cause thats just pinkie pie(i like the mutant idea more tho) dreams on prospit and drives everyone there crazy, and a sylph of space!!

if when i die i go to hell just for attempting to live in a body of my own creation or even just my own desire

i dont think id be surprised, dissapointed probably but also just glad its warm i guess

not to be therapazized(goddamnit im only 4 words in and makking shit up) or anything but as someone whos a) a vampire and b) has had way to many run-ins w death than id like 2 admit, it aint super uncommon that i see dead assholes in my dreams but it IS uncommon that they hold conversations with me

>be me >where the hell are we? looks like some grandmas shitty ass living room that hasnt been redecorated since 94, weird. why do i feel unlovable standing here? i gotta get outside man. > climb up and down the stairs, fall to the kitchen floor, somehow end up on the roof? this is gr8. i feel like im in an alex g album.

>someone else is here, but i dont care that much about whatever they have to say, not like i can hear it anyway, some boring infomercial is playing in my head. >that edge brownie tray is gold. >shut up what are you doing? >whatever! whatever!

figure out what this chick wants anyway? clearly they dont have anything better to do but haunt my creepy ass >no reply. >yeah sounds about right.

>make direct eye contact with this long dead bastard. >realize im 6 years younger now. i wasnt before. this is weird. >skip the oncoming dialouge, i already know what theyll say; "live!" -it bitches and moans, the high pitched whiny tone making everything else barely a hum, their voice is all i can sorta hear -"live! breath! breath before you forget how!before you find yourself longing for the taste of winter to linger in your lungs, and on your skin! breath you dumb bitch!"

>pretensious asshole. >probably bought a thesarus just to yell at me. >wake up. >i know there was more said, like a vauge idea, but that shitty lecture is the only thing i can remember clearly. >oh well. >maybe ill quote myself in a fanfic i gotta finish l8tr

>go back to sleep

6:12 havent checked

8:23 cooked

9:04 cooked

9:57 canada looks lovely this time of year

10;08 texas kills dreamers ig PLEASE california pull through

11:11 oh my god

i saw myself in the mirror today

i needed a trim, and in iconic teenage fashion i did it on my own, like i always had

i hacked away at the layers and uneven ends. but i got sloppy, and tired after a while of not being satisfied with the result

i cut and cut away at it until i overcorrected the angle. a bit to much on the right, not enough on the left, eventually it was beyond trying to correcr and i had to take more than i wouldve like to just to straighten it out again. it sucked. i really liked the length i had gotten it to

"its fine, its just hair itll grow back quickly"

but i met eyes that werent mine

i saw myself, a year younger,

when i first cut my hair, it was sloppy, and way to short, but it was finnally done and i loved every part of it. i felt like me

and even now as i grew it back out and it piled back up on my neck before i cut it again, i felt like me

that person in the mirror wasnt me. it was, at one point, but not anymore. seeing them felt like all the progress i had made, both mentally and litterally, were gone. messily stuck in the drain and staring up at me

i know ill never be that person again, but sometimes at night i can feel their hands on my shoulders, their voice in my ears

i think itll be okay. i think, that ill be okay

itll grow back