you ever, like, dig youself so deep into a hole and commit to something so fuckin hard that when you want to turn around and run away from it like a little bitch you CANT because your condemned to it like its some sorta execution?? your shackkles arent locked, your the execuutioner to your own death sentence, and neither party wants it, but like, you cant seem to give enough of a shit to not just go along with what you told yourself you deserved(cough)(sheep)cause its easy and its all you know
now imagine your 15 and all you can feel is hatred toward the world, and every day is the same and the snow just doesnt ever seem to melt, and your day of executioning is slowly aproaching and your trying and trying to change something and fucking prevent the end of the goddamn world because just going along with things isnt punkrock and you can escape anytime but the snow just wont fuvking melt,
but then something does change, and its like your in the eye of the hurrcane and you can hear everything going to shit around you but its fine because you have the clarity now to go to a tornado bunker or something, and you do, and the clarity clears your ass vision and you realize that everyone else was already in that bunker, and noone gave a shit to tell you or pull you out of the stormm and now you feel justified in your hatred toward the whole goddamn world 
and the snows melted once you get outta that bunker, the grass is dead as hell and your not, and your not the same person and the day of your execution was yesterday and your fine /1/18/25/
AKA me self projecting:FULL DISCLOSURE. i know this isnt the actual/intended meaning behind the songs and lyrics, but one cannot just be a casual fan of mitski so here we are
"I am hungry, I have been hungry, I was born hungry...what could I be?" the first verse already establishes that sense of longing, that weird(sometimes painful) desire for...soemthing, you arent entirely what you need, or whats wrong, but you know its something. and god are you desperate for some sort of relief, lol, something to calm that indescribable hunger.
"I am something, I have been something, I was born something...what could I be?" realizing that something is cosmically wrong with you is such a weird feeling, like, you know somethings wrong, and you know you WANT to be normal, you WANT to know whats wrong with you, but its easier said than done. either way, it sucks butt.
"There is a light that I can't see," there it is again, always there, i just cant see it,"But only it seems theres darkness in me," and its only worsened by the fact that ur just helplessly in the dark and thinking its all you are, cause why think anything else?
"There is a dream that I sometimes see," oops! there it is! that weird longing for something that you cant quite place, the first spark of realization that whatevers wrong with you cant be fixed because its inheritly in ur bones! damn! but you can imagine yourself as something different, almost complete, yet for the love of god you cant figure out whats missing. its your face, of course, but different. "That only appears in the darkness of sleep," atleast the you in your dreams isnt confined to the reflection in the mirror! in your head, in the darkness of sleep, thats where you get to expiernce first person bliss of self recognition! mitski, ur a poet.
dreams dont do much to fix reality, though.(horrible concept, someone should patch that bug in the next earth update) now your stuck just....waiting. you always have been, waiting for that final surge of sadness to ease from ur chest and to expierence the world through eyes that are truly your own.
ugh, somone sew my mouth shut and throw me in the line of fire between the twin towers and the second plane because yapping this much should be illegal. anywho_
the waiting lines are so so important 2 me- the anger she holds in that verse, that build up of repressed emotion finally bubbling over and spilling through the cracks. fucccckkkk mitsk what the hell r you putting in these lyrics? crack? maybe its the teenage angst speaking but i think at my core im just a bunch of bury me at makeout creek lyrics stuck together with glitter glue.
"I am waiting. I have BEEN waiting. I was born WAITING." waiting for something impossible to happen, to have someone soothe my nerves and rid my veins of these differences, to make me whole. thats crazy right? ive been waiting. born waiting. it is my birthright to exsist in a body of my own accord. "For that something, just one something, I was born something-"
that something, that unique sort of distant acceptance, the sort of acceptance that doesnt need to be said. an unheard something, something i can feel. and that longing, yearning for someone to know and see you as you see yourself.
"I was_"....."_born," holy fuck.
I was born, i am alive, i am here, why am i denied the thrill of compassion, im human, it is owed to me. "There is a light, i feel it in me." the light shining through my brittle bones and gleaming brightly through my anatomy. my. anatomy. "there is a dream, and it sleeps in me." denial is just a fact of life, and to lay rest to a certain factor of your being is to make space for something new. something......strange. not really you, but you can pretend.
but its also fucking hard? to hold that weird sense of guilt to your chest, to bind it there and sleep knowing it isnt something that can just be cured, "To awake in the night, crying, set me free." that doesnt mean you stop trying though. but its also that same lingering sense of longing, though to set free and see it as a essential good is impossible, when internally i know its wrong. but to repress that sense of self, regardless of your bodily perception, is like asking me to have not dreamed in the first place. its not fair.
bodily autononomy is crazy, folks! /8/17/24/
hotake; terezi and rainbowdash were only put in seperate canons bcuz god knew if they could meet theyd take over the multiverse
ive always been a mlp-racism h8tr cuz its stupid BUT LIKE in this case it works; unicorns being highbloods(feferi gets 2 be the exception shes an alicorn cause shes awesome like that)(also isnt unicorn just so goddamn fitting for eridan) pegasi bein midbloods(doesnt fit AS WELL but it fits worse anywhere else) and ofc lowbloods as earthponies bcus they seriously got fucked over with the whole magic system omg(im still pondering on how karkats mutation would come into play here but just go with it)
ANYWAYS!! twilight is a purple blood(her shade gets brighter when she earns her wings) a prospit dreamer no doubt, and a seer of space!!
rarity is a blue blood thats lower on the highblood spectrum, def dreams on prospit, and a sylph of lighttttt!!!
rainbow dash is a teal mid-blood, ive seen some people label her a prospit dreamer but ive always seen derse in her, and thief of breath:p
my girl fluttershy is def an olive blood, surprisingly a derse dreamer, and a page of hopeee:3
applejackkkkk easily a rust blood, hangs around on prospit w rarity ofc, and a knight of life!!
pinkie pie......either a mutant with candy red blood, or somehow a fuchsia and nobody knows how but goes along with it cause thats just pinkie pie(i like the mutant idea more tho) dreams on prospit and drives everyone there crazy, and a sylph of space!!
also discord is hussie. /4/13/24/
not to be therapazized(goddamnit im only 4 words in and makking shit up) or anything but as someone whos a) a vampire and b) has had way to many run-ins w death than id like 2 admit, it aint super uncommon that i see dead assholes in my dreams but it IS uncommon that they hold conversations with me
>be me >where the hell are we? looks like some grandmas shitty as living room that hasnt been redecorated since 94, weird. why do i feel unlovable standing here? i gotta get outside man. > climb up and down the stairs, fall to the kitchen floor, somehow end up on the roof? this is gr8. i feel like im in an alex g album.
>someone else is here, but i dont care that much about whatever they have to say, not like i can hear it anyway, some boring infomercial is playing in my head. >that edge brownie tray is gold. >shut up what are you doing? >whatever! whatever! >figure out what this chick wants anyway? clearly they dont have anything better to do but haunt my creepy ass >no reply. >yeah sounds about right.
>make direct eye contact with this long dead bastard. >realize im 6 years younger now. i wasnt before. this is weird. >skip the oncoming dialouge, i already know what theyll say; "live!" -it bitches and moans, the high pitched whiny tone making everything else barely a hum, their voice is all i can sorta hear -"live! breath! breath before you forget how!before you find yourself longing for the taste of winter to linger in your lungs, and on your skin! breath you dumb bitch!" >pretensious asshole. >probably bought a thesarus just to yell at me. >wake up. >i know there was more said, like a vauge idea, but that shitty lecture is the only thing i can remember clearly. >oh well. >maybe ill quote myself in a fanfic i gotta finish l8tr
>go back to sleep
this is so stupid oh my god /9/19/24/
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